CALPURNIA'S CLOSET

A Day in the Life of a Roman Empress

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Formerly an Empress and the crowning glory of the Roman Empire, long-suffering glamorous wife of Caesar Augustus (a marriage of INconvenience, if you ask me!) Some people call me a drama-queen but then I'm often misunderstood. Deep down I'm really just a medium-maintenance princess. Some people think I have a puppy personality just because I have eyes shaped like an upside down smile. That would be one of the few times public opinion was accurate. Find out for yourself. Read on.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Calpurnia, My Alter Ego: Background

Caesar & Calpurnia
A Sketch by Orson Welles
Some of you may be wondering why this blog's called "Calpurnia's Closet". First off, there's nothing remotely GAY about this whole closet business. Just as there was nothing remotely gay about the wardrobe reference in "Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe." Nor is this blog about fashion, secret fetishes or even carpentry.
Calpurnia, in the golden era of Roman decadence & dominion, was the uncherished, unwanted bride of Caesar. The most beautiful woman in Rome at that time, she was offered as a "bait" to tempt Caesar from the arms of the legendary Egyptian hussy, Cleopatra. She represented the subservient wife of old, in full knowledge of her husband's infidelities but submissive nonetheless. Wimp. (Ivana Trump could teach her a thing or two.)
Well he got what he deserved for not listening to her; she dreamt of the betrayal that would lead to his murder but he ignored her warnings, ultimately paying for his folly through death.

While I do have a special compassion for women unloved by the men they are committed to, like Calpurnia Mrs. Caesar, Leah wife of Jacob, and the two or three wives whose husbands I personally know are messing around, Calpurnia doesn't stand out in any way.

But for the fact she was my screen alter ego once upon a time in my misbegotten youth, I'd never even know her. But I'll not spend time talking about that miserable little episode. Everything was fine but the acting and I guess that put a permanent end to our Hollywood dreams, right after the first screening! Still, my on-screen "husband" Caesar (ok, part of the reason it didn't work was because we had absolutely NO chemistry to speak of, savvy?) and I had a lot of fun eating grapes during every take and prancing about in costume. We stunk, but I'm sure the real Caesar & Calpurnia didn't have it any better so in a way, we did take realism in the arts to another level. Caesar still calls me "Cal" six years later, and after the multiple marriage proposals from strangers in Oman on my Friendster, I've decided not to put my real details on this blog.

Calpurnia's Closet will be a revelation of my innermost being, my blank canvas upon which I will paint all those pictures that could've been, should've been, must've been, WILL be...and a chance to for my namesake to relive a life of love and purpose in an era of freedom for women. Because that's what I fully intend to do.

This is for you, Calpurnia.

Signing off, Calpurnia circa 1978 A.D.

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